THE LEGEND-NEWS HEADLINES.
“Truth? Lies? Satire? What’s the difference?”
Republicans Sued For Breach of Contract With America
Madonna Stalks Another Orphan
Fire At CNN News Factory Forces “The Most Trusted Name In News” To Report Actual News
This Day In History: August 4, 1961:
Barack Obama Is Not Born In United States
FEATURE: 13 Stupidest Entertainment Weekly Lists
House Democrats Introduce Resolution to Fund Research Into Blue Dog Disease
God Creates Sudden Storm to Save Canadians from Kevin Costner Performance
Experts Puzzled by Puzzled Experts
Yahoo Mouse Trapped By Microsoft Cat; Slow Death Expected
Nostradamus Predicted Palin Resignation
Internet Mind Control Now Reaches 65% of Nation
President Announces New Era of Co-operation with Vice President
Florence Capp Acquitted of Husband’s Murder; Pled “Justifiable Insanity”
Author Hits Writer’s Block While Texting
This Day In History: July 20, 1969:
Moon People Greet Astronauts as Liberators
Pathetic Loser Drops Another Five Bucks on Lottery
Madonna Kills 2, Injures 10
Moon Landing Hoax Conspiracy Led by Minions of Xenu
Australia Releases Gold Koala Into U.S.;
North American Eucalyptus Crop Threatened
Windmill Surrenders to Don Quixote
Contract Issues Delay Michael Jackson Resurrection
Armed Gunman Robs Local Library of 30,000 Books
Last Tweet From Missing Canary: “I Taw a Putty Tat”
Super-absorbant Diapers Recalled After Minnesota Lake Mysteriously Disappears
Child’s Knee Is Infected While Mom Twirls Neosporin® Sprayer
Michael Jackson Still Dead
Company That Isn’t Apple Inc. Announces Apple Inc. Product Killer
Jon & Kate Plan to Sell Kids, Then Divorce
Infant Held in Senior Citizen’s Death
Adobe Releases Flash for Newsprint
McDonalds Welcomes New Employees from the Class of 2009
Paramount and Universal Team Together for
Blockbuster Remake of “Birth of a Nation”
General Motors Files for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy;
Demoted to “Major Motors”
“The Onion” Revealed as Sole Source for Google News
Canada Politely Requests to Invade United States
ABC Announces New Reality Show for Summer 2009:
“Who Wants To Be a Associate Justice of the Supreme Court?”
Swine Flu Putting On Airs: “Call Me H1N1 Influenza A”
Alien Parasite Has Disguised Itself as Hair on the Head
of Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevitch
FOX News Causes Earthquake in Mexico City;
Claims Retribution for Swine Flu Crossing U.S. Border
Congresscritter Denies Dumb-doing