THE LEGEND-NEWS HEADLINES.
“Truth? Lies? Satire? What’s the difference?”
CBS Expands Its Forensic Crime Dynasty With “NCIS: CSI: The Alley Behind The East Side Of The 4100 Block Of North Robey Avenue, Chicago”
Arithmetic Mistake Found On Mayan Calendar; World Already Ended In 2008
Jon Gosselin Trapped On Uncontrollable Helium Balloon With Ghost Of Michael Jackson
ABC Moves All Programs To Friday Night; Network Expected To Cancel Itself By Februrary
UFO Terrorizes Colorado, Crashes; Aliens Escape
Apple, Inc. Sues God: Claims Apple In Garden of Eden Too Similar To Apple Logo
32 Die Virtually When 13-Year-Old Poorly Designs “Sum of All Thrills” Coaster at EPCOT
FINAL SCORE: Jackson 5, Timbuk3
Mac OS X Code Name Leaked: 11.0 To Be Called “Kzinti”
Shamed By Letterman Revelations, CBS Shuts Down Network
“Dick Tracy” Plot Advances; Readers Stunned
Microsoft Hopes Windows 7 Will Help You Forget About Microsoft
Brenda Starr Loses “Starry Eyes” After Unfortunate Cosmetic Surgery
Annie Warbucks Arrested For Truancy
CNN Offering 43 Cents Per Story For Fake News
Report Blames Federal Reserve Bank For 401(K) Deaths
Corn Found In Marijuana Field
Chicago City Council Passes Ordinance Banning Lumber Sales To Minors
Tim Gunn Considering Strategy Shift In Fashion War
Apple Sues Body Snatchers “Pods” For Trademark Infringement
Tea Party Organizes Spontaneous Fox News Broadcast
Kanye West Continues To Annoy Taylor Swift With Apologies; Swift Seeks Restraining Order
Kanye West To MTV Awards: “You Lie!”
CNN Reports War Declared On Iran; White House Says “Wha?!”
Conservatives Have Egg On Face After Obama Speech To Schoolkids; Liberals Donate Bacon
FUTURE NEWS: September 1, 2025: Oprah Shuts Down Moon Base for Season Premiere
GOP: Only Socialists Attend School; Real Americans Drop Out